Posted in My Journal

Set The Priority

Just a quick note.

I was in middle of recording video walkthrough. I need to finish several games if I want to start writing on my novel.

I know this is crazy, taking 2 weeks just for play games. People will think I’m hopeless, jobless, whatever, but this is my life. I choose to be reviewer, writer, and gamer. I know what am I doing.

I’ll be back blogging in Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

So, have a nice day and see you soon, guys ❤

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Posted in My Journal

30 Days Of Gaming and Happy 100 Subs! ^^

First of all I want to say thank you for 100 subscribers on my Youtube channel. I’m surprised there are people like my videos, eventhough my video only contains games walkthrough. For that, I want to decide for this month, the theme of my blog is Games 🙂

I know I’m reviewing more games, but  this month I’m going to discuss more specific like progress game I’m playing or my favorite developer.

Because now I work freelance, I’ll have more time to play games and discuss it here ^^
But, it does not mean I only talk about games. Occasionally I’ll review movie (if there’s something I want to watch) and books.

Maybe in the future I will use another theme?

Who knows?

Just wait and see

(^_^)

Posted in My Journal

{JOURNAL} The Tunnel Vision: How I Survive From Suicidal Thoughts

For those of you who read my last post, maybe you know what I wrote at that time. I’m suicidal. And I almost ended my own life. Luckily I was able to contacted my friend, a fellow survivor of mental illness (she suffers from social anxiety). I’m glad I spoke to her. I do not know what will happen if I do not try to contact anyone. After I talked to her, my condition gradually improved. And right now, I’m setting my priorities for what I have to do before the end of August.

Do you ever heard of Tunnel Vision? From what I’ve read, Tunnel Vision is a term used for someone who has suicidal tendencies. Like a tunnel, the person only sees light as a way out from tunnel. In my case, my tunnel vision, my way out from all these problem is having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend means I will have someone who always supports me. But unfortunately, my relationship never runs smoothly. 3 times dating and all failed. And every time I broke up, I felt lonely, I felt the whole world hate me, I felt I’m not deserved to be loved.

My main problem is the lack of support from my closest person, such as family and friends. I do not know how many times I gave up because my parents stopped paying for my music course. I do not know how many times I gave up trying to go to dance school because of money issues. I felt hopeless. It become worse when my late mother said ” Why do you need support? You already strong”.

I was hope that I’m really strong.

Fortunately, my friend was able convince that I can survive. I can go through all these problems, without depending on other people. She said it doesn’t matter if I’m single. My happiness shouldn’t be depends on my relationship status. I don’t need a guy to make myself happy. And that time, I found my way out from my tunnel.

Yes, this is how I survive from suicidal thoughts. I set a goal and I see it as my way out from my tunnel a.k.a problem. I don’t know if I’m ready to be failed, but without a certain goal, I’ll keep thinking how worthless I am.

Posted in My Journal

On Hiatus

I’ll just say right away. At this point, I won’t censor myself about my current condition. I know not all people will understand, particularly those of people who know me personally.

I’m suicidal.

This is not a joke.

After this, I’ll take full break from my social media, including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I’ll only active on Youtube for gaming because it has been my safe heaven, my place to escape from pain, numb, and those flashback.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7QP9KfUIL9CFGR6QqD2zfg

This is the only place I will be, for now. I’ll try to write if I get better, although I don’t know if I will be better or not.

Sorry for being drama.

Sorry for everything.

And sorry to anyone whose life got ruined because of me.

🙂

Posted in My Journal, Organize It!, Uncategorized

{JOURNAL} Weekend Madness Ep. 6: More Space For More Reads

Remember when I said I need to re-organize my bookshelves?

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And yeah, I finally did.

If you see, I used to organized my books horizontally. But after I watch Sasha Alsberg’s video, I try to stack it vertically.

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See the difference? *wink wink*

So before it turns like this, I had hard time to decided on how I organize it. In the past, I used to organize it based on alphabet order. But now I’ll just go like this:

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For the first shelf, I put all the books that I already read. I organize it based on whether I love and satisfied with the story or not, and based on which books that I will use for reference.

 

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For the second shelf, I let this shelf half empty because I need space for new books. Also, I’ll use this shelf as to-be read shelf. That stacks, the one that already fill the shelf, will be the books that I read next month.

 

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The third shelf I use for all of my mystery, detective and fantasy comics.

 

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And the fourth shelf is for comics, too. But this one is kinda random and mix, but mostly the genre is romance and slice of life.

 

Wow, I can’t believe I done this. Seeing how you organize it before and after can make so much difference is something beyond me. I never thought I could have more space for more books. But that’s great! Because I finally able to shop more books now!

But, wait.

What kind of book I should buy?

Posted in My Journal

{JOURNAL} Motivate Myself To Organizing

It’s total random, honestly. I don’t know what’s been into me that I suddenly thinking about organizing my bookshelves and bedroom. But the major reason is probably because I see huge pile of clothes laying on my bed, and not only one pile, but five.

Yes, you read it, right. FIVE. HUGE. PILES. OF. CLOTHES.

That’s what happen when you’re keep procrastinating.

And same thing happen when I see my bookshelves and desk. Ugh, so messy.

But again, I procrastinate by watching Youtube video on phone because I just done couple of walkthrough video and thinking my laptop need some rest. Then I encounter Sasha Alsberg’s video about reading slump.

If you see my blogpost recently, you probably notice that I haven’t post anything that related with books. That’s because I’m in reading slump. I lost interest since I started work as quality control staff. I lost time to think what kind of story I want to read. So when I watch this video, suddenly I want to read again.

But then, I think, if I want to read, I need to re-organize my bookshelves. The problem is I don’t have more space. So I watch another video

This video giving me idea on how I organize my books. Then, what’s relation between organizing bookshelves with my five huge piles of clothes?

Well, it isn’t fair if I only organize the shelves. I need to clean up everything, actually. I have asthma, but I don’t create bigger space for breathing. I just keep piling these stuff in my room which is unhealthy. So I decided to organize everything.

Talk about reading slump, should I make 30 Days of Reading challenge to force myself read at least 50 pages per day?

Posted in My Journal

{JOURNAL} 31 Days Blogging

It’s been 3 days since I quit from my job, and I still on want-to-sleep-all-day phase. A week before I quit, I’d been work overtime from 9 AM to 9.30 PM. So, all I need now is sleep, sleep and sleep. I didn’t expected I would work so hard a week before, so all schedule I already made is officially ruined.

Around two weeks before, I think that was when world got shaken by Chester’s suicide news, I made decision to create self-therapy method for myself by blogging everyday. So everyday on August, I will post highlight of my day. The goal is to remind myself about happiest moment, even the smallest, in my life. You probably know, depression cause your brain remembering only negative memory and make you think you’re worthless, you don’t have purpose in your life, you’re a burden etc. That’s why I decide to write every happy moment and share it to the world.

This 31 Days of Blogging only available on diaryofbrunette.wordpress.com in Bahasa Indonesia.

It may exhausting by looking at how much I need to write, but I will try to find a way that not exhaust me too much. Maybe I will make a schedule or planning it, because I’m not only post on blog, but on Instagram as well.

Considering I’m jobless at the moment, the content may look boring and dull. I assume it will happen after 1-2 week, because I don’t have a plan to go out more until I get a new job. But ofcourse, let’s what will happen on the future.

FYI, I also made new Instagram account for books and games only. The upload order will be 2 pics of games related, 2 pics of books related and 1 or 2 pics of food related.

Wait, why there’s food pic too?

Well, because I love food, and sometime those pic mess up my personal feed (well, honestly, my personal IG feed is already messy LOL)

And on future, I may launch another account for my drawing and pictures because recently I’ve been gain interest in comic-drawing and photography. Maybe around September, I think? Because I need to learn how to draw and take picture properly.

Okay, I think that’s all for today. This is very long post, but I hope it’s worth to read. Next probably I will explain why I decide to launch more than 1 account.

Alright, guys, see you on next post.

Bye! ^^

 

Xoxo,

MissAmelie